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Lor’s Law- Extension #1 of TMT

March 9, 2011

Lor's Law

The Marmite Theory or TMT was first written two days ago, but it has already been criticized for it’s exclusion of genetic factors. Therefore, a further extension of TMT has been added; a person will like Marmite if they posses “Sludgite DNA”.

This is based upon Lor’s Law given below (can also be found as a comment on TMT here):

If you go back hundreds of thousands of years, towards when the first primordial sludge appeared on the Earth, the sludge was dark brown and without form. It was a mass of highly viscous brown matter, that probably smelled awful and tasted even worse. Out of this sludge appeared the earliest lifeforms with their primitive DNA molecules – their only goal to keep their species alive and procreate. They consumed the primordial sludge as it provided them with sustenance and more building blocks to evolve their DNA structures.

Over time, these primitive lifeforms developed a strong affinity for the sludge (call it an early form of “religion” almost) and the “Sludgites” believed that the sludge provided them with everything they would need to survive. Other lifeforms (call them early “aethists” if you will) did not believe all this “sludge is all powerful” malarky and rejected the sludge and went to live away from the sludge in small communes near what is today called Essex.

However, some catastrophic calamity hit the Earth (maybe a meteor, comet collision or a Mesapotamic form of the X-Factor) and the only lifeforms to survive in great numbers were the Sludgites, as they could crawl back into the primordial sludge for cover. Thus, their religion was reinforced, “only those who believe in and worship the all powerful sludge will gain its favour”!

Now move the arrow of time forward from those primitive Sludgites to today and you can start to see what’s going on. The DNA remembers the power of the primordial sludge and drives its host to locate a viable source (N.B. evidence that such a thing as DNA memory exists is well founded seehttp://www.americanchronicle.com/articles/view/11660).

But of course, the primordial sludge is sadly now all gone, but the DNA can easily be fooled by something very similar… and I think you know where this is going if I could be bothered to write any more? Also remember the goal of those early DNA lifeforms: “to keep their species alive and procreate”. This probably explains the perceived aphrodisiac effects of Marmite XO…

I have also managed to find several other ‘Marmite theories’, although obviously none are THE Marmite Theory. This one in particular is interesting, if you can understand it through the strange graphics. They claim that there are very few objects in their house which get put back in the same place, however, a pot of Marmite is one of them. This is the theory:

In an environment where the MTME (Marmite Theory of Migratory Evolution) is in effect, no moveable item, when moved from its current position of gravitational rest, will ever be returned to its immediately previous position unless it happens to be the only true constant, which is a jar of Marmite.

Interesting.

And the all important question, what have I eaten today?

12:00- Banana
13:00- Tuna pasta bake
17:05- Two cripbakes with butter
18:30- Chicken in cider and apples with a jacket potato and broccoli
22:00- Post-football (another victory for Turbo GTF, and another MotM for me) flapjack

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